Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Fempinions Male Fail

Because sometimes, having a dick can make you become one

Brought to you by the Queen of Sarcasm, Selestine

Welcome back my lovely readers! Its time for another round of Male Fail, and like last week, this week the edition features encounters from my workplace. However, this week, I am also including a Female Fail as well. So grab your favorite bottle of vodka, make sure its at least half full, and enjoy this latest edition!

Scene: At Work

It was a very busy day at work, and my customers for the most part were very polite and even friendly. However, about my fifth customer into the day, I encountered Rude Ass 1 (aka RA1). I was standing at one of the mixing stations with five gallons of paint in front of me, all in a row waiting to have tint added. Can number one was just being positioned under the tint dispenser when I hear a *thunk* above me. I initiate the dispenser and look to see what was up.
A guy had was standing there with a gallon of Brand D paint in flat in the UPW base. Now, customers are supposed to come to the front of the counter to place an order, but for whatever reason, this guy just didn’t do so.

Me: Uhm… may I help you?
RA1: Yeah, I need a gallon of Autumn Leaves in a gallon of this right here.
Me: Okay. Are you sure that that color requires a UPW base?
RA1: Yes!
Me: Alright, I’ll get to it in about five minutes. I’m a bit backed up right now.
RA1: Fine.

Once again, we absolutely prefer that customers do not bring us the can. While it’s a nice gesture, nine times out of ten, we’re brought the wrong can, which means we have to haul it back to the shelf. Anyway, I finished up with the five gallons that were in front of me and proceed to work on RA1’s order. Sure enough, the base required for his paint was not UPW. It was M base (aka medium base). So I haul that can away and bring back the correct one. I mix his order and get it shaken.
When I removed the can from the shaker, he suddenly became upset.

RA1: That’s not the can I brought you!
Me: That’s correct sir. Its not. You brought me a can of Brand D paint in flat in the UPW base. However, for the color you wanted, the correct base is M. So I had to swap out the cans.
RA1: But I told you that was the right can.
Me: You did, however unfortunately, you were mistaken.

I proceed to open the can and show it to him. He waves it off, so I seal it back up and wish him a good day, smile and all.

Scene: At Work

And now its two hours after RA1’s exit. Its time for Rude Ass 2 (aka RA2). This guy has what I call the “I’m old and therefore people have to kiss my ass” attitude. Personally, I don’t care how old someone is, because if you’re a prick, then you’re a prick, age be damned. I’m all about respecting elders, but I will not bow down to a rotten attitude.
I’m standing at the computer that’s at the front counter, adding seven different orders to the system. The customers who placed those orders were instructed to return in about ten to fifteen minutes. While entering the orders, an elderly guy comes up to the counter.

Me: Hi sir. Are you all set?
RA2: Well, I will be once you get me some paint!

I pause in the middle of my work, smile a bit, and then continue.

Me: Alright. I have seven orders ahead of you, but I’ll go ahead and take your order and add it to the queue.

He hands me an order tag and I enter it and hand it back to him. Of course, I did his order, all of one quart, dead last. As its in the shaker, he comes up to the counter again and tries to make small talk.

RA2: That’s a nice yellow I’m reordering.
Me: Erm… I didn’t mix a yellow for you, sir. You asked for Ivory.
RA2: No I didn’t! It was yellow!

He goes digging in his wallet and retrieves the order tag. My guess is that he didn’t even bother to look at the tag before handing it to me because I don’t even think he knew what he handed me in the first place. The paint finishes up and I show it to him.

RA2: That’s good, I guess.

Have a nice day, jackass!

Scene: At Work

And now I present to you a Female Fail! Yes, I had an encounter worthy of mention here, and its not horrid, but, its good for an eye roll at the very least.

Female Shopper (FS for short) comes strolling to the paint counter with her grandson in tow. She hands me a paint swatch from a company that I’m guessing has long since gone out of business and wants a gallon of it.

FS: Oh I haven’t purchased paint in over twenty years! I’m not sure what to get.

She didn’t look a day over sixty, for the record. Anyway, I get some more information about her project and I get her to settle on a finish/sheen. She went with Brand D, so I enter it into the system, print out a tag for her and a tag for me, and I get the gallon down. As I put the label on the can and get ready to open it to add the tint, she suddenly stops me.

FS: Have you mixed it yet?
Me: No ma’am, I haven’t. I’m about to.
FS: Oh hold on a moment!

She proceeds to begin looking at color swatches. Eh… hello? I’m not going to have other customers wait around while you meander around the color stations. At one point, she stops at the colors for the Brand R paint and pulls a color from there.

FS: So, can I have this color in Brand D paint?
Me: Yes, you can. I can color match it.
FS: Have you mixed that other one?
Me: No, you told me to wait.
FS: Okay good! I don’t want that. I want a quart of it, and I want a quart of this color I just picked out. What the heck, right? Nothing ventured nothing gained!
Me: Alright.

I begin the task of scraping off the tag (which is not easy for someone like me who has soft nails) and as I turn to the computer to change the order, she starts talking again.

FS: Oh this is such a lovely color.
(She was talking about the Brand R color she had just picked out).
Me: Yes it is. Now, I need that swatch so I can color match it.
FS: Oh no, you don’t!
Me: Uh… yes I-
FS: Nevermind. I’m going with my original order.

I grit my teeth, manage a sigh through it, and re-print a new tag and mix her paint.

That’s all for now folks. Be well and stay sane!

- Selestine

1 comment:

  1. Another great column, Selestine! Keep 'em coming!