Fempinions: Selestine's Male Fail

Dark Greetings to all my wonderful readers. I’m terribly sorry for having been MiA for so long. There was a death in the family and I simply could not write anything until now. So for your reading enjoyment, I bring you a deluxe edition of Male Fail (with some Female Fails included.)

This issue will highlight how unsexy verbal abuse is, among other things, of course.

Take the not-so-happy couple checking out the FA paint yesterday. The wife seemed really excited about getting to check out the colors. Now, normally I don't pay attention to what customers say to each other when I'm not actually assisting them, but they were in during a lull and really, there wasn't anything else to hear. So while I'm flipping through color charts, I hear that she wants to paint their kitchen blue. Apparently, that was a bad thing.

Husband: That’s so stupid! People do NOT paint their kitchens blue. Come on!
Wife: Of course they do! Its versatile and-
Husband: Look, you need to yield on this. I MUST have input otherwise this is all on you!

Due to his voice rising on the last bit, I looked up from my color browsing. The wife got quiet after that and didn't speak up unless the husband picked out a color.

Husband: Okay lets go, wifey. We have enough for today.
Wife: I think maybe we should look at the MS colors next.
Husband: Oh for Christ’s sake! How stupid! You're being foolish.

I couldn't even bring myself to approach them because I knew I would end up saying something to the husband that would set him off, but I did alert a fellow associate as to what I had seen and they kept an eye on them throughout the store. Nothing happened, but the associate noted that while they were cashing out, the husband kept saying "You're being good now" to his wife.

All I could think of when reflecting on that couple was the following: Were I married, or otherwise in a relationship, and my guy spoke to ME that way, he could expect an ear full right then and there (and no place to sleep once we arrived home). I don't care which side of the relationship someone is in. That shit isn't called for. But said shit seemed to be the theme of the day, because 15 minutes after they left, I get "Barbie" walking by the paint desk with her husband and young child (looked about 5 or so.)

B's Husband: Honey, would you like me to look into the deck stains while we're here?
Barbie: NO! I want you to fucking finish the damn projects you already started!!!!!

I shake my head and just cringe and start praying that they don't come to the paint desk at any point. Well, I only get half lucky there as Barbie, after passing the desk, looks around all lost-like, throws her arms in the air in a defeated/dismissive gesture, and faces me.

Barbie: Where are the blinds?!
Me: If you mean decor, that’s in the back half of the store to the left over by the hardwood flooring just before you reach the lighting department.
Barbie: Well where the hell is THAT supposed to be?!?!?!?!
Me: *blinks, and speaks a bit slower* Down THIS aisle, take a left, then take a right when you see hardwood floors.

She stormed off in a huff. My thoughts at the time: "You're welcome, bitch." and "I can't believe he married THAT."

Its sad, but the guys of my age group actually want women like that. By “that” I mean good-looking by society standards (and yes, we all know how flawed that concept is.) Doesn’t matter that she’s a bitch. If she looks like a supermodel, the guys will want her over anyone else. Quite sad.

Moving on...

Oh yes, one of my pet peeves has become rampant. It goes a little something like this: If you approach me and tell me you want to do a certain project the right way, and proceed to ask me how its done, do not proceed to take up my time if you intend to fight me the entire time by trying to get me to say things that would be corner-cutting... aka... not doing a project the right way.

A very nice lady came to the paint desk and told me she needed to re-stain her deck. She also said that she wanted to do it the right way. So I lead her down the exterior stain aisle as she tells me what condition her deck is in right now, etc etc.

Lady: Well I used TWS on it last year and its horrible! I want to stain the deck and never use that stuff again. I just want to use the Premium products.
Me: I understand completely. What you have to do first is use a stripper solution. That will remove the TWS and any other chemical buildup on the wood. Next you will want to apply the deck prep solution. Once that’s done, you must wait for the wood to dry completely before using the stain.
Lady: Wait, stripper solution? Deck prep? What’s all that?
Me: *goes into an informative and easy to understand lesson on using stripper solution and deck prep to get the job done right the first time*
Lady: You are so talking me out of doing this right now. All I want to do is cover up whats already there.
Me: I know, and I'm telling you how to do that. Its a process, like anything else, so it will take some time, but the end result will be fantastic.
Lady: But I'm selling the house. Can't I just put the stain over what’s there now?
Me: No, you can't. The stain has nothing to adhere to because the TWS is there and that prevents adhesion. You need to remove that in order for the stain to work, otherwise you're going to have nothing but a slip and fall hazard on the deck because it will never dry.
Lady: *goes on and on about not wanting to spend a lot of money and blah blah*
Me: Well ma'am, I've given you instructions on how to do the job right, which is what you asked me for.
Lady: *gets a gallon of semi-transparent stain off the shelf* I'll just put this over the TWS.
Me: *withholding a sigh* Fine, but do a test area first. Don't just dump the whole gallon over the deck.

Meanwhile, a line about 7 people long had formed at the desk and I was by myself. Yippee.

Next is a guy who was very nice, but like the lady, was shocked to hear that staining his deck was going to include more than just picking out a stain color and applying it.

Me: Yes sir, how can I help you today?
Guy: Well I want to stain my deck with a solid stain. I have a prior stain on there right now, and also some new, unstained wood I'd like to do from a deck extension that’s about to be completed.
Me: Sure thing.
Guy: I want to do this the right way, so, how do I do that? Just get the stain and apply it, right?
Me: Well no. First you need to apply a stripping solution to the part of the deck that was stained before. Then you'll want to take the deck prep solution over both the stained and unstained parts of the deck. That will neutralize the wood and get it ready for the stain. Once the wood is dry from that, you can then apply the stain.
Guy: Holy shit...! I didn't think it was that involved...
Me: Yeah, it can be.
Guy: Why can't I just stain over it?
Me: *launches into an informative and easy to understand explanation as to why one simply cannot just apply stain over previously stained surfaces and unprepped surfaces*
Guy: *sighs* Okay, get me what I need for this.

So I take him down the aisles and explain what he needs as we go along, frequently referring to the instructions on the back of the solutions. On a personal observation note here, I've found that when I have to read instructions off of the label to someone more than three times, they are not going to bother reading it when they get home and return to the store to whine and complain.
Anyway, I get him the brush and nap he'll need, plus the two solutions.

Guy: I still don't understand why I can't just stain over it. This color right here... *points to a dark brown on the color chart* ...looks like what I have on there now.
Me: *refrains from a much-needed eye roll* Sir, I've explained to you why you should not simply stain over it. I will add that if you just put the stain over the existing stain, you negate the guarantee and manufacturers warranty on the stain. And just so we're on the same page, is the stain you have on there now a Premium product?
Guy: Well I don't know. My wife bought it. I have no idea what she bought.
Me: All the more reason to follow my instructions.

So he picks out a color (which was a far cry from the dark brown he had originally pointed to) and I mix the stain for him while he goes to get other stuff.

Last but not least for today, we have Grumpy Guy. He was in the interior aisle looking for ceiling paint.

Me: Finding everything alright, sir?
GG: Where's your ceiling paint in quart size?
Me: We don't carry ceiling paint in quart size, sorry.
GG: Well why the hell not?
Me: The rep is aware that there is a call for it, unfortunately, the company simply does not offer that particular paint in that size at this time. I have a gallon I can give you for free though, if you want.
GG: And just what in the hell am I supposed to do with all that?! Drink it?!
Me: *walks away, thinking: Please do.*

Now showing in the FemPower Theater...The FemPower Promo Clip

Our own Jana Cleveland has given us a beautiful promo clip; one that truly defines our mission at FemPower, and includes some hot guys besides (bonus!) Please enjoy. (And a very special thanks to our kind and very hot friend Smith Curren, http://www.smithcurren.com, for our beautiful logo!)

FemIssue: Help Women in Haiti

I just received this from Amnesty International. I thought our readers should know:

A bill pending in Congress would help protect women and girls at risk during crises.
Help countries like Haiti combat violence against women and girls.





Dear Megan,

Michelle Obama's trip to Haiti this week was a powerful reminder to us all how much further there is to go before Haitians fully recover from the catastrophic January 12th earthquake.

According to the most recent estimates from the UN Office for the Coordination of Humanitarian Affairs (OCHA), roughly 460 makeshift camps are still the homes to more than 1 million displaced people in Port-au-Prince alone1.

Conditions are horrid all around, but for women and girls in particular, the situation in Haiti has become a perfect storm for increased violence and exploitation. Before the earthquake, Kay Fanm, a Haitian women's rights organization, estimated that 72% of Haitian girls surveyed had been raped and at least 40% of women were victims of domestic violence2. Amnesty International findings show that in the aftermath of the disaster, Haitian women and girls are particularly vulnerable to sexual violence.

Help countries like Haiti prevent and respond to violence against women and girls.

The International Violence Against Women Act (IVAWA) was specifically created to combat violence including in humanitarian situations such as Haiti. If passed, IVAWA would provide valuable services like rape counseling, medical assistance and even economic opportunities to women and girls in countries around the world devastated by humanitarian crisis.

Many Senators and Representatives have already pledged their full support for IVAWA. But if we're going to help countries like Haiti combat violence against women and girls once and for all, then we've got to get more members of Congress standing up for women's human rights and supporting IVAWA.

Have your elected officials signed on to support IVAWA yet?

Last month, when our researchers traveled to Haiti on a mission to investigate human rights violations, what they found was appalling. Women were being forced to bathe and go to the bathroom in public Security was sparse – officers were rarely seen patrolling the camps to maintain security. The flimsy shelters hardly offered any sense of added protection or privacy.

Gender-based violence has been a problem in Haiti for many years, but the earthquake has exacerbated the problem. In fact, we spoke to one women's organization that reported 19 cases of rape in only a small section of the large camp site located in the Champ-de-Mars3. Far too many are exploiting this humanitarian crisis and endangering the lives of Haiti's women and girls in the process.

But by urging more members of Congress to support IVAWA, we can fight back against this dangerous reality and empower women worldwide, especially those living in times of crisis.

Thank you for your support,

Daphne Jayasinghe
Advocacy Director, Women's Human Rights
Amnesty International USA

Happy Friday Ladies...

Image courtesy of BlingCheese.Com

FemFeature: And the Winners Are...

We at FemPower congratulate the winners of the 2010 Feminist Porn Awards!


For Immediate Release



www.goodforher.com

175 Harbord Street

Toronto ON M5S1H3

416-588-0900

http://www.goodforher.com/fpa_2010



Good For Her is proud to announce the winners of the

2010 Feminist Porn Awards!



Toronto, ON, April 10, 2010: On Friday April 9th, feminist pornographers from around the world came together at The Berkeley Church Heritage Event Venue for a steamy and x-rated celebration of feminist porn. Twelve awards and four Honourable Mentions were handed out in categories ranging from Most Deliciously Diverse Cast to Hottest Kink Movie at this annual event, now in its fifth year.



"Good For Her began organizing the Feminist Porn Awards to celebrate the growing diversity of porn that really does exist," said Alison Lee, manager of Good for Her and the event's director. "Porn has expanded to include women and marginalized communities, and many people don’t know about the hot and artistic movies that are being made with a feminist sensibility. We are proud to promote these filmmakers, and excited about directing people to their work”.



The 2010 Feminist Porn Awards were hosted by Morgan Brayton, actor and comic from Vancouver BC, and a record-breaking 450 guests gathered at the Berkeley Church to toast those creating porn that offers a new and exciting vision of porn that includes the political.



Starting in 2008, the Good For Her Feminist Porn Awards added a second night to their celebration: this year titled Public Provocative Porn: The Year’s Best in Feminist Film, giving audiences a chance to see more of these incredible films as well as a chance to engage with filmmakers in a panel discussion and Question and Answer period. Held this year at the Bloor Cinema in Toronto, over 350 people gathered to watch selections from five Feminist Porn Award nominated movies including Tristan Taormino’s Expert Guide to Anal Pleasure for Men by Tristan Taormino, The Deviant by Nica Noelle, Crash Pad Series Vol 5 by Shine Louise Houston, and a series of clips starring performer April Flores from Bordello (directed by Courtney Trouble) Behind the Red Door (directed by Carlos Batts) and Dangerous Curves (directed by Carlos Batts).



The 2010 Good For Her Feminist Porn Award winners are:



Hottest Website

Rubysdiary.com – Ruby Day



Best Direction

Des Jours Plus Belles Que La Nuit

Jennifer Lyon Bell and Murielle Scherre; Blue Artichoke Films + La Fille' D'O



Hottest Dyke Movie/Hottest Kink Movie

River Rock Women’s Prison | Kathryn Annelle; Triangle Films





Smutty Schoolteacher Award for Sex Education

Tristan Taormino’s Expert Guide to Anal Pleasure for Men | Tristan Taormino; Vivid Ed



Hottest Bi Movie

Fluid: Men Redefining Sexuality | Madison Young; Reel Queer Productions



Most Deliciously Diverse Cast

Dangerous Curves | Carlos Batts; HeartCore Films



Sexiest Short

Handcuffs | Erika Lust; Lust Films



Most Tantalizing Trans Film

Speakeasy | Courtney Trouble; Reel Queer Productions



Hottest Feature

The Band | Anna Brownfield; Hungry Films



Sexiest Straight Movie

The Deviant | Nica Noelle; Sweet Sinner Video



Emerging Filmmaker Award

Tobi Hill-Meyer



Heartthrob of the Year

April Flores



The Boundary Breaker

Jiz Lee



The Visionary

Shine Louise Houston



The Trailblazer

Tristan Taormino



Honourable Mentions:

Women Love Porn | Produced by Anna Span; Easy on the Eye Productions

Dirty Diaries: 12 Shorts of Feminist Porn; Njuta Films

Sensual Massage For Pregnacy | Jaiya; New World Sex Education

Cocksucker | Julie Simone; Julie Simone Productions



Good For Her are proud to have now celebrated five years as producers of the Good For Her Feminist Porn Awards, the largest and longest running celebration of feminist porn in the world. Since 1997, Good For Her has been creating a nurturing environment where everyone can feel comfortable learning about sex and pleasure. Good For Her takes pride in providing quality sex toys, erotic and educational books as well as DVDs and workshops that empower and celebrate the diversity of everyone’s sexuality.



The Good For Her Feminist Porn Awards & Public Provocative Porn took place

Friday April 9th at the Berekely Church Heritage Events Venue – 315 Queen St East/ $15 advance $20 door. Public Provocative Porn took place at the Bloor Cinema at 506 Bloor Street West, $12. Images from 2009 can be found at http://www.flickr.com/photos/feministpornawards , with 2010 pictures coming soon.


Our warmest thanks to Alison Lee from Good for Her for this info, and to Lana Paiement for the photo. And many congrats to all the winners!

FemIssue: Toward a healing place

Today at Feministing.Com, I read a heartbreaking post from a woman who was living a very painful memory; the anniversary of a rape she suffered at her stepfather's hands.

As I read her post, I felt her pain so acutely; I also felt rage on her behalf, and a strong desire to do something.

What can I, an erotica author, do about the problem of rape and domestic violence? I've written briefly about the effects of these crimes in some of my books, including Mauve Christmas, Song of the Vamp and Behold the Beauty. I also did a charity booksigning once on behalf on Sunrise Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault Center, an excellent organization that does great work in my area.

I try to do all I can, but it never seems like enough. Not when I'm constantly reading stories like the one I read today.

Beyond being an outlet for women's erotic entertainment, I want FemPower to be an agent of change and healing, hence the name. Regularly I'll be posting resources and fund-raising opportunities and resources, and I encourage our readers to do the same.

FemPower is not only a fun place, but a sharing place, a place of healing. Let's make it a good one!

Love,

Megan

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